I am terrible at yoga. Not so much the poses - I’m bad at coordinated breathing. I’m bad at sitting still. And most of all, I’m bad at not thinking about how bad I am at coordinated breathing and sitting still (maybe I'm not white enough?).
I’ve always been a restless person (unless there was food involved… see childhood photo, in which my parents bribed me with food to stand still and look at the camera). My DISC profile shows that I’m a strong I and a moderate C, making me an anal-retentive people person who has trouble sitting still. Every week in class, I struggle with my inability to be mindful in downward dog.
Ironically, I find that peace and clarity in busy places. I love busy coffee shops and nice days at the park. I’m at my most creative and aware when I’m around other people, when I’m engaged in conversation, when I’m replying to blog comments and having four gchat conversations. To me, yoga class is full of mental chatter, but real conversations bring clarity. Real conversations inspire me to create, to fill the white space within myself. And the most interesting places are the empty spaces – they are what changes. But real conversations are hard work - you have to be willing to open up and explore your own thoughts, and listen to those of someone else. You have to think about contributing meaningful content, about asking good questions, and sometimes, about admitting you're wrong.
I’d rather drag myself to yoga week in and week out, hoping that one day I’ll find the self-awareness and mindfulness that my instructors talk about. And every week, I find myself thinking too hard about timing the rhythm of my breath with my ustrasana, or find myself trying to mentally correct the instructor’s Sanskrit pronunciation. What I really need to be doing to recharge is to spend my Sunday morning at Octane, reading a book and writing an article and having a conversation on the nuances of apologizing for drunken behavior in ancient Chinese culture (tip: Allen). And I know it. I’m just not at peace with that yet. Because it's easier to go to yoga and listen to someone else tell me how to find my inner being.
We all do that - we know, on some level, who we are. People have always been fascinated with finding out more about themselves, be it through art, meditation, or personality profiles. But the more important thing for us to explore is not quite who we are - it's finding and shaping who we can become. It's our white space. And by pursuing endeavors that bring out that white space, we become more mindful. And finding that white space is hard work.
(personal image, please do not reproduce without permission)
I’ve always been a restless person (unless there was food involved… see childhood photo, in which my parents bribed me with food to stand still and look at the camera). My DISC profile shows that I’m a strong I and a moderate C, making me an anal-retentive people person who has trouble sitting still. Every week in class, I struggle with my inability to be mindful in downward dog.
Ironically, I find that peace and clarity in busy places. I love busy coffee shops and nice days at the park. I’m at my most creative and aware when I’m around other people, when I’m engaged in conversation, when I’m replying to blog comments and having four gchat conversations. To me, yoga class is full of mental chatter, but real conversations bring clarity. Real conversations inspire me to create, to fill the white space within myself. And the most interesting places are the empty spaces – they are what changes. But real conversations are hard work - you have to be willing to open up and explore your own thoughts, and listen to those of someone else. You have to think about contributing meaningful content, about asking good questions, and sometimes, about admitting you're wrong.
I’d rather drag myself to yoga week in and week out, hoping that one day I’ll find the self-awareness and mindfulness that my instructors talk about. And every week, I find myself thinking too hard about timing the rhythm of my breath with my ustrasana, or find myself trying to mentally correct the instructor’s Sanskrit pronunciation. What I really need to be doing to recharge is to spend my Sunday morning at Octane, reading a book and writing an article and having a conversation on the nuances of apologizing for drunken behavior in ancient Chinese culture (tip: Allen). And I know it. I’m just not at peace with that yet. Because it's easier to go to yoga and listen to someone else tell me how to find my inner being.
We all do that - we know, on some level, who we are. People have always been fascinated with finding out more about themselves, be it through art, meditation, or personality profiles. But the more important thing for us to explore is not quite who we are - it's finding and shaping who we can become. It's our white space. And by pursuing endeavors that bring out that white space, we become more mindful. And finding that white space is hard work.
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